| Iv'e been talking to chris(Koriku) |
[Mar. 19th, 2005|03:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Divergence Eve - Pump up | ] |
Well chris and I finally started talking again and things are pretty much back to normal between us after the things that needed to be cleared up etc.....(long story that i'm not gonna recite from lets just say its alot of stuff that came from both of our ends).....In any case its really nice talking to him and I definetly know that I like him a whole lot, he's really helped me through lots of my emotional moments and dealing with issues in my life that I just wouldn't be able to handle on my own.
Now that everythings basically fine between us I really feel bad for hurting him on certain things that I didn't think of and things that I should have considered,Such as not acknowledging him in my Lj and Expressing that I do have feelings for him and everything. Well now i'm admitting it,Chris hunny I do have feelings for you....strong ones and I want you to know it. I really really like you and I can;t wait until we can physically spend time together and be close.
I hope you can forgive me for not thinking to express how I feel about you in my Lj and for anything else that may have caused you pain and suffering that could have been avoided, I want not only to be able to make you happy and make you feel good but for you also to not be hurt just talking to me and I hope this entry will lessen some of the pain from past wounds that were inflicted =) I really like you and want it to stay that way. |
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| Hi Chew Its yummy goodness in a soft chewy fruity tablet! |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|10:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | DearS - Love Slave | ] |
Iv'e discovered HI chew finally after being told about it from lew-san for the longest and its SOOOOOOO Yummy. So far iv'e tried the Yogurt flavored Hi chew,Grape flavored Hi chew(tastes like acutal grape unlike american grape flavored candy)Peach flavored Hi chew
All of them are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yummy and after I eat one or two of them I don;t feel hungry anymore. Which for me is really good. There so fruity and creamy and just Oh so Delicious Mewwwy mew mew meowwy mew......anyways I love Hi chew yes I do.
On a sorta similar note one of my friends that I haven;t talked to in a good long while imed me this morning so we ended up having a good long conversation about otakon hotel rooms and otakon and such. As is pretty typical he hasn't gotten a hotel room yet and asked if he could share our hotel room with us. I'm fine with it though there's four other people that I neeed to ask, for those who are going its (HyperPhrenetic) that wants to room with us. He found a cheaper room deal for hte same hotel same package but I'm not sure we'll prollu emd up just keeping our reservation its sooo much easier. |
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| Pavel and I have started talking again |
[Mar. 5th, 2005|03:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Read or Die - Memories in the Sun | ] |
Well pavel and I have started talking to eachother again which is a good thing......Its painful though because talking to him makes all the painful memories of when we were happy and together come flooding back. Don't get me wrong I am happy to be talking to him again and I want to be able to spend time together again. Every time I remember the times we had together though my heart clenches up and I start cryign though.
He wants to be able to hold and snuggle and do things like old times but things just can't be the same between us cause of our breakup. Snuggling and being together like that would be nice and its no impossible but it would bring up the emotions and the pain that I always feel cause of our breakup.
It's just an overall tough situation, I want to be able to spend time like we used to but it causes too much pain and I know it'd be the same for him. I do wanna hang out with him and talk things out but I'm just not sure what would happen during those conversations together. *sigh* I guess I just don't want to relive the pain I felt after the breakup. I do want to still be friends with him though. |
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| New Anime's at Stuff |
[Feb. 28th, 2005|10:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Awake and Hyper! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Mermaid_Melody_Pichi_Pichi_Pitch - Star Mero Mero Heart | ] |
Well I went to china town yesertday and got myself ayashi no ceres. Its such an amazing anime and I think I'll be watching it over and over in the coming days/weeks. Tommorow I'm seeing one of my old high school buddies for awhile. Its actually kind of funny,My family and I were going out for dinner and we happened to run into one of my Old high school friends.
Not sure exactly what i'm gonna end up doing with my old high school friend but we'll prolly end up watching anime and talking which is always fun for me at least. Iv'e been in a really good mood lately and have just been having lots of fun. All in All i'm looking forward to it since its been a good long while since Iv'e seen them,
Anyways talk to you all later! |
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| Another Update(I'm running out of titles since nothing interseting or new has occured) |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|04:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Yay for good data music disks | ] |
Well valentines day passed without me feeling depressed so that was a good change from the normal. Usually on Valentines day I tend to feel depressed and lonely. This year I actually felt as if valentines day meant something because I spent it talking and being with people that I care about.
Other then that Iv'e been working for two days now making a data cd and its coming out really good and i'm really happy with the amount of work i'm putting into it. For those who are into anime and are intersted the series on teh disk now are
1. Air
2. Avenger
3. Beck
4. Beet the Vandel Buster
5. Blue Seed
6. Bobobo-bo-bo-bobo
7. Boogiepop Phantom
8. Burn Up W!
9. Card Captor Sakura
10. Chrono Crusade
11. Digi Charat
12. Fushigi Yuugi
13. Futakoi
14. Get Backers
15. Green Green
16. Heat Guy-J
17. Kino no Tabi
18. Mahou Sensei Negima
19. Midori no Hibi
20. Otogizoushi
21. Soukyuu no Fafner
22. Steam Detectives
23. Tenjou Tenge |
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| Showed anna X/1999 |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|10:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Well I showed anna X/1999 tonight and it heavily affected both of us. There are tons of spirtual lessons and such in that episode as well as just life lessons in general. All in All its an extremely profound and really touching anime and I'm extremely glad that I bought it. Anna goes home tommorow and then I'm going to her house on tuesday to hang with my friend eli and were gonna watch the first Anaconda's movie and Super Mario Brothers so it should be a really good time.
I got in a mini argument with my mother this morning but thats all worked out for now I hope. If its not i'm gonna have to argue it out again which I'm seriously hoping I won't have to do cause I'm sick and tired of arguments and anything that puts me in a bad mood and such. Other more serious matters are also bugging me as well. One is that my parents are planning to rebudget my ssi money and I got yelled at about buying anime and stuff when mom believes I should be saving it for "rent". Even with her saying that I'm not gonna stay here and I'm planning to move to one of my freinds houses.
Anyways thats all for right now seeing as I'm just deep in thought and stuff and I just really am lost and not knowwing what to do now adays. It really sucks to be feeling lost and not knowing what exactly to do even if you know what you want for yourself. For me I'm just trying not to think that much about it for the time being. When it comes time for me to think about it I will but right now its just a weight on my back and it'll only weigh me down if I think about it. At least thats my view on the situation. |
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| Well Another Update. |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|02:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | I'm happy! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Pretear - White Destiny | ] |
Well my mouse has been acting stupid for awhile now but I finally am able to get online. Although at this point I am using the tab button because I'm needing a new mouse which sucks but its for a good cause.
Other then that I got a few new anime's which I'm really happy with. I got X/1999 now and I also Have Sister Princess and Tokyo Underground. Yay for new anime. Pretty soon I think I'll end up doing a Chikage theme. She's one of the characters from Sister Princess. Other possible character theme's coming up might be Mamoru(also from sister princess) Or Haruka (another character from sister princess).
As you can prolly tell sister princess is one of my new favorite anime's Its really awsome. Its basically a cute slightly girly anime but its all good cause I really like it and its just plain old fun to watch ^^. Anyuways thats the end of this update talk to you all later! |
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| F*ck I hate 56k I really do |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|12:55 am] |
Well Iv'e decided to play around with Adobe Paintshop and the download is taking ridiciously long to download. I know its cause of the 56k so all I can do is deal with it but its still F*cking annoying.
Anyways today was a good day. Slept in for most of the day and woke up at around 2 or 3 pm to realize that the clock on my computer is totally messed up time wise. So when I did realize that i was like Shit its really is 2 or 3 pm.....I seriously gotta set that time right. Well its set right now and hopefully it won't do that again tommorow when I wake up. I'm seriously starting to think that my computer hates me because anytime I try and do something an error occurs or a problem comes up or something like that. I don't know it could be that my computer is just seriously fucked up ...oh well if it is not much I can do about it.
Anyways I'll talk to everyone online if I see ya online and if I don't answer right away its prolly because I'm fiddling around with photoshop or something. |
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| Stolen from Animekitten's Lj ;=) (Ranma-kun you better reply) |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|06:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | curious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Full metal Alchemist - Kusenai Tsumi | ] |
If you and I were alone in my room right now, what would we be doing?
(Now post this in your LJ, and see what people want to do with you.) |
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| What type of goth are you? |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|06:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | I'm cheerful and happy yay! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tokyo Underground - Jounestu | ] |
Yup this fits me to a tee. I definetly enjoy acting cute and everything like that and many people have said I'm just naturally goth by nature ^^ |
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| Wow Its been awhile since I updated. Well here's the update folks |
[Jan. 11th, 2005|08:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Nothing much new going on in my life. Otakon is 7 something months away and I'm just atarting to get excited. We already have our hotel room booked and I'm planning a few trips to see friends and spend time with them. Also I'm buying new anime on thursday so hopefully I'll have some more good anime then.
So far my anime collection consists of
1.Slayers Next
2. Ai yori Aoshi
3. Chobits
4. Love Hina
5. Mahoromatic
6. Maburaho
7. 1 dvd of Wedding Peach
8. 1 dvd of RahXephon
9. Vampire Princess Miyu
10. Popotan
11. Love Hina Christmas Special
12. Love Hina Again
My moods been good lately which is a good thing for me. And for once Iv'e started going out and doing more stuff like going for walks and other fun stuff during the day. I don't go out at night anymore since there was a series of rapes in my neighborhood one of which was in the lobby of my building *shudders* . There's no news on wether the culprits been caught or not and they haven't increased security in my building yet. From what Iv'e been told from people watching the news is that the culprit is now in brooklyn or something.
The holidays were entertaining and I spent them with my family. My aunt and my cousin came in from where they live to spend time with us and then we went back down to Washington DC with my aunt bonnie who's my mom's sister for three days. While we were there I got to see the hope diamond and other jewels cause I decided to go see the smithsonian museum of natural history on our tour day with my aunt. Thats about it for this update so I'll see you all online and around and about |
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| Yay New Anime! |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|02:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | YESSSSSSSS CHOBITS CHIII! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Chobits - Katakoto no koi (duet version) | ] |
Yay I got new anime today!! I got the full set of CHOBITS *jumps for joy* and I also got the christmas special for love hina. They also had the complete set of RahXephon so next week I'm going and getting that definetly! or wait ummm Ok I might be getting it next week but htey had alot of good anime complete sets there this week.
All in all this is just a quick update to let you guys know I'm better from yesterdays lil ordeal and my anime collection now consists of
1.Love hina,Love hina again,Love Hina Christmas special
2.Popotan
3.Ai yori Aoshi
4. 1 dvd of RahXephon
5. 1 dvd of Wedding peach
6. Chobits
I would say I'm ddoing pretty well so far anime wise. And the ones on my list to buy are
1. RahXephon
2. Full Metal Panic
3. Naruto
4. Tenshi no Shippo
5. Love Hina Spring Special
Well see you guys around!!!! and YAY! Now I can see the rest of chobits! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2004|01:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  damn my mother damn my life | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Malice Mizer - Sadness | ] |
Why does my mom refuse to respect me and listen to me......... she's making me feel worthless and like a piece of shit and its ruining my life
I thought things were getting better that I could just have a good time with my family I guess I was wrong.....now I think that might never happen....no wonder I want to escape from the world. I'm really feel like shit right now and this pull and tug with my mom is making me physically sick....my mom thinks she's got it bad but its tearing me apart inside.
All this turmoil is enough to make me want to kill something or rip someone or something to shreds.............to see somethings life blood dripping from it ....I just don;t feel alive when I'm like this ......In fact its hard for me to feel alive and like i'm worth somnething when i can't even get along with my family............. They keep saying they love me and everything but I can't see the love anymore through all this pain and turmoil and sadness
Honestly everything iv'e been through is enough to make me want to cut myself at times but I would never do that...... even though the desire is extremely strong to I know it wouldn't solve the pain at least not inside.....yeah its a physical release of the pain but its just not enough
I don't know what to do or how to feel anymore......Life is tearing me to shreds slowly and painfully and its driving me to want to do something about it...something that would hurt alot of people but I wouldn;t do it even if hte opportunity arose.... I was happy this morning ...just sitting there reading and eating chocolate and mom just had to start this....for once it wasn;t me at she won't acknowledge it
Am i worthless....or does my mom just really not care I need your guys opinions because I just don't know anymo..re.........Iv'e just lost all will to care about anything having to do with her now........ I honestly feel as if my life is swirling down the drain or getting swallowed up by the darkness.... I want to get out of this hole but every time I try to I fall back in....... I just don;t know wether I'm ever gonna be able to get out.
All i wanted was to be able to have fun times with my family and everything....and my mom has to be a bitch jus tbecause a few things aren't perfect. She bitches about me not hanging up my clothes,not doing my laundry etc...and then she threatens to take away time with the other members of my family and the people i know. Like we were supposed to go down to see my Aunt bonnie now she's saying if I don't do all this she's going to take away any holiday activities that she had invited me to and everything.
I don't want to lose the holidays .... as if yelling and screaming at me isn't enough she has to resort to threatening to take my money away and taking away my holidays *cries* I just can't stand it anymore...... I honestly need somebody to come save me or keep me company....take me away from my family or something.
Update
Well mom came up again a little while ago .....so now I'm forced to leave the apartment for 45 or so minutes while she "cleans" ........I feel really worthless and everything now because now I'm being kicked out of where I'm living so that she can take over and do what she feels she has to......why can't she just let me learn for myself. I mean isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing learning all these life lessons on my own and everything.
All in all its alright that my mom cares .....I mean most parents care about there kids right? Its just my mom cares way too much about everything.....I don't understand why this had to happen when I was starting to feel happier and better about myself. All i want is to have a the regular minor meetinss with familya nd everything and then be ablet o be by myself or with my friends.
My mom is really sweet and nice to be with when she's in a good mood or not angry but when she's worried its just bad for both of us. She says all this fighitng is giving her and ulcer and slowly killing her............ Its ten times worse for me. Its ruining my views on life and how family is supposed to be not to even mention my moods and its just making me a big emotional wreck.
Its no wonder I crave the darkness and blood so much...its a safe haven of sorts for me and escape or something....I'm just starting to understand why I am how I am and ...truthfully I like being this way.
Not only does it make me feel protected and desired and loved (I know alot of you guys love me quite a few of you more then others) and It just makes me feel whole. When i'm surrounded my darkness I don't have to worry or anything at least thats how it feels when i'm depressed ...any other time the darkness is just nice and calming and relaxing all in all good for me in every sensxe of the word.
I like how I don't have to see if I don't want to when I'm in the darkness how I can shed my own blood if i really desire too....somethign about scars and blood is healing emotionally for me...I know cause Iv'e done it before....its not a harmful thing for me just a way to heal and everything when i really need to. |
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| grr |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|08:28 pm] |
Yeah same girl anna was talking about different issue.
See this one chick thinks I'm lil miss perfect Yeah fuckign right .....as alot of you guys know I'm anything but little miss perfect in fact I'm prolly more like lil miss imperfect.
I mean.... when i'm upset I usually bitch moan scream get violent and all kinds of stuff and this girl calls me little miss perfect and aside from that she also thinks my life is all whipped cream sugar and roses like anna phhhhhffffttt thats hardly true.... my life isn't that at all............. I mean I'm living in an apartment by myself yeah but I have my PARENTS coming up and cleaning with me ............asking me if I want help doing my laundry and all other kinds of shti that just drive me up the bloody fucking wall.
I mean to put it shortly this girl expects us to sit there and listen to her ranting about her so called boy problems and everything and then she tries to ask me to take out her version of punishment (which is usually violence by the way) out on whoever she is angry at............. also she snaps and bickers at me whenever she doesn't like something I say ............. she jumps to conclusions all the fucking time ............. and all kinds of fucking bullshit.
Personally I think this chick is mentally insane,emotionally unstable and a bunch of other issues that I'm just not gonna get into for the sake of sparing all you guys from a needless rant about another chick's issues.
I mean this chick thinks EVERYTHING and I mean Absolutly everything in her life is there to fuck or screw her over.....she hates men and thinks that all men are jerks or bastards or something along those lines.
Anna and I have tried talking to her tried to give her advice and just nothing sinks it and its like she just doesn't care about us at all...........she calls us sissy or sis but she never acts Like it and its just Fuckin infuriating down to the bones. |
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| ehhh boredom again >_> |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|05:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Meehh I hate being bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Azumanga Daioh - Sora mimi Cake | ] |
Well once again i'm bored...patrick went to work in the coffee shop...Owen is hanging out at his regular hang out..... anna is online but she's playing Psychiatrist again....... Ehhh I hope somebody signs on to talk to soon....OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Lew lew Yay!
Anyways I'm listening to the Opening theme to Azumanga Daioh right now and other then that nothing is going on..... Its freaking cold out so not going outside tonight brrrr me not freezing my cute little ass off no no no.
After yesterday I ended up sleeping until noon today and then I was online and did a bit of grocery shopping. I bought some Jasmine rice and some Coconut ginger flavored rice mixes that I am gonna make in a bit so mmmm yummy food yay!
Updates will come later as I find more to write about |
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| I ate too much |
[Nov. 25th, 2004|07:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Ickkkk boredom and stuffwed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Galaxy Angel - Angel Rock n Roll | ] |
As is the norm on thanksgiving I ate too much I don't feel sick but I just can't stuff anyumore food in my belly
Anyways what did all of you guys have for thanksgiving this year. I was the main one cooking for my family and we had.
Orange Brandy Cranberry sauce
Roasted Ginger sweet potatoes
Sausage and Apple stuffing
Typical roast turkey
Some german wine
Martinelli's Sparkling Apple Cider
Apple and Pumpkin pie
Everything came out really well and I had over four servings of everything yeesh I eat way too mnuch. Other then that I played with Piper (the family Cockatiel) Piper just wouldn;t stop squaking for attention even while we were eating it was so cuteeee. Now I'm just sitting here having some of my Amaretto Liquor and wishing I had some company.
Yeah basically Iv'e been running around to the grocery store and slaving over a hot stove/Oven for the last two days. On one of our trips to the whole foods in Port washington my monm almost got driven off the road and we almost missed our exit due to a reckless truck driver....... the truck was one of those big 14 wheelers and of course when we reached the super market my mom called up 311 furious as she always is in those situations and reported the driver.
After that the day was pretty much normal and everything..... as of course befits the tired cook I should prolly be in bed but Oh well I'm not freakin tired I have way too much energy
On another note getting a hotel for otakon is getting really frustrating. Dario (our friend who was supposed to get the hotel room reserved for us) is currently filling out college applications and is telling us to wait awhile until he can search for a room while the hotels are already starting to get sold out. I told anna and Pat that if I didn;t see anything happening within a week that I would reserve the hotel room on my bank card.
Of course my parents have to screw that up as well by being paranoid and saying that in order for them to let me do that anybody staying in the room with us would have to send me the money now..... fucking bullshit at this rate were never gonna get a room..... and if we don;t get a room that means its either same situation as last year or were screwed out of going all together....
So now its either call dario and bug him to reserve a room now..... or sit there and argue with my paranoid parents until they understand the situation and agree.............just fucking jolly oh well it will all work out in the end it always does.
All in all my Parents royally suck as of now and I just hope I can work something our or get them to understand the damn situation so I don't have to worry about all of this anymore. Other then that I'm happy and bounncy and stuffed to my gills full of food and ugggg bored as hell .... Just Jolly.
My parents woulda taken me with them to see this movie about a famous musician but I just didn't feel like it..... maybe I just didn;t wanna be around my sis and parents anymore tonight. Whatever it was I'm online and waiting for everyone to come back online stuffed full of food and groaning like mad as always.
Last night I went with my sister mom and dad to watch them blow up the big balloons for hte annual thanksgiving day parade. Each balloon I learned takes 6 hours to blow up. All in all the whole expierince was fun but it was damn crowded and at that time I didn;t wanna be in a crowd....... this added up to it being fun for me and my family but annoying on the inside for me due to not wanting to be with the crowds but oh well.
Today was breezy and quite chilly as was last night and we ended up going to starbucks and getting caramel apple ciders which are just delicious and everything *licks lips*
...................... and come online you food stuffed buddies of mine....best not to suffer alone right ^_~ |
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| BLOODY HELL Otakon hotels already |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|11:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Blood.... O_O | ] |
Will somebody Bloody kick me in the ass and tell me I'm not dreaming. One otakon hotel might be sold out and the possibility that hte days inn where we wanna stay could be sold out too.
BLOODY FUCKIN O_O Dario where hte hell are you so we can reserve our hotel room, I bloody hate stress Love otakon but hate stress. Well now the choas starts people.
Theres a bloody cap on numbers of guests so gotra do pre reg as soon as thats up so on and so on *gulps* Ok time to start the no sleeping habits >_< But YAY Otakon ..... Kill me now before the stress and choas demons get me Mew! |
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| Yay Cash! |
[Nov. 19th, 2004|08:49 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Yay for Money and new looks =) | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Malice Mizer - Unmei no Dear | ] |
Yay I get the rest of my cash today which is good cause I needed it.... gonna head out ot the drugstore when I get it after mom checks my apartment it see if its clean.... stupid thing to do if you ask me but hey its what she wanted so I'll just deal.
I'm trying to decide on wether I wanna get the other neutrogena soothing eye tint in Honey shimmer or get something else like a nice mascara or some shit like that. Oh yeah another good thing is that I changed the look of my Lj Yippie I like this darker theme much more then my other one. Meh I want candy now too or to bake something must resist sweet tooth for all its worth oh well if i don't I don't.
One thing i do know is that Matthias.Koriku and a few others will like my new Lj theme cause its all dark and shit which fits me really really well and well thats just how I like it
talk to all you guys later!! <33333 You all |
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